I remember it vividly. The day was dark and storm- Wait no. That's not right. It was... It was sunny. That hot sticky sweat in my shell sort of weather. My feet sizzled as I took each step on the asphalt.
My rival, Thaddeus, was pulling ahead of me. He had recently purchased a pair of sneakers and I being the cheap turtle that I am, chortled at his new acquisition. Now I realized the error in my logic. He had an advantage. An unforeseen edge! Each step he took mocked my hot blistered feet.
If I didn’t pull off a miracle, then the race would be over. I would be humiliated in front of Gertrude, the sexiest turtle on this side of the swamp. She wore her shell low cut and it made me want to... I’m getting off topic. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes! I yearned to catch Gertrude’s attention and this was the most opportune moment. Losing was not an option.
“I love you, Gert-” I shouted as I propelled myself into the air and did the unimaginable. I jumped three glorious centimeters forward, tumbled five centimeters into Thaddeus, and landed one centimeter past the finish line, just barely winning the triathlon and becoming the first turtle in recorded history to jump and not wind up on its back.
Tales will be written about that moment for generations to come and I, Barry, will be immortalized in statue form. Sure some people may spit on the statue and climb on it inappropriately, but it will be because of my fearlessness and awesomeness-ness that they are showing me respect in their own imaginative way.
Thank you Thaddeus for being such an ass and thank you Gertrude for inspiring me. For had everything in that moment not been perfect, then I would not have experienced the most magical moment of my turtley little life.
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