Sunday, July 29, 2012

Texting With My Heart

Jul 20, 2012 2:14 PM
Free 2night?
                          
                                I can't 2night. Have to get a  
                                manicure.


I thought that's why u couldn't 
come over last night.


                                My nails were in really bad      
                                shape. I have go back. It's  
                                complicated. :(

I'm free all day tomorrow. 
Lunch?


                                I totally would, but I'm busy.       
                                Family stuff going on.


oh... well when are you free? I 
feel like I never c u anymore. 


                                it's hard to say. Especially with 
                                everything that happened. It's      
                                been rough.

what happened???


                                my foot... lol

r u ok? Why didn't u tell me?


                                stilettos broke when I went              
                                dancing. Should be outta cast in       
                                a couple weeks.


WE were supposed 2 go dancing 
2gether
                                I definitely want to. No doubt.   
                                Next time for sure


Jul 20, 2012 3:07 PM

I can come over and help u. It 
must be hard hopping around on 
one foot. ;)


                                not at all. My friend Jake   
                                invited me to stay with him for  
                                awhile. He's such a sweetheart.


Who's Jake?


                                you ask a lot of questions. Lol


who's jake?


                                the guy I went dancing with. He 
                                felt horrible about everything so    
                                offered to help me out. His place 
                                is HUGE.


thanx for keeping me in the 
loop.


                                I don't have to tell you      
                                everything.


couples usually have some form 
of communication and SEE each 
other from time to time.


                                hank, we've been broken up for        
                                the past month. I'm sorry it 
                                didn't work out, but u need to 
                                move on.


we never broke up!!


Jul 20, 2012 3:46 PM


Carrie, when did we break up?


Jul 20, 2012 4:24 PM


Carrie?!



                                calm down. Jake was helping me  
                                take a bath. I can't text u every  
                                minute of the day. 


i'd appreciate an explanation


Jul 20, 2012 4:59 PM
???


                                ugh! I texted you like a month  
                                ago. I said I thought u were too   
                                needy and we should just stick to 
                                being friends


no you didn't


                                I texted it to u. Then u texted  
                                me a few days later saying you  
                                couldn't sleep and needed to c  
                                me. That's when I told u I was  
                                going out of town for work.


I never got a TEXT saying we 
broke up


                                don't do this again. It was so 
                                painful for me the first time.


there was no first time!


                                please don't yell


I'm texting, not yelling. The 
exclamation point signifies 
emphasis. 


                                I feel like ur yelling :(


this explains so much! We were 
2gether for a whole year and 
this is how you choose to end 
things. An in person 
conversation would've been nice.


Jul 20, 2012 5:22 PM


oh and actually getting your so 
called "break up"text. It must 
only be visible to you...


Jul 20, 2012 5:51 PM


                                 oops... I guess that text didn't   
                                 send. Just double checked my 
                                 phone. My bad. :-/


you're an evil person. 


                                 don't be THAT guy


I want a real breakup! You owe 
me that.


                                 let's just leave things like 
                                 they are. I feel we're at a good 
                                 place right now.


no we're not. I just found out 
that you thought u broke up with 
me a month ago. 


Jul 20, 2012 6:37 PM

just left u a voice mail. Pick 
up your phone please


                                 Jake is singing on a video game.   
                                 Lol. He's so funny. You've got  
                                 to hear him sometime. 


                                 Just text. It's easier.


so the last year meant nothing 
2 uu?????


                                 don't be silly. It was gr8t  
                                 while it lasted. I just needed a  
                                 change. No hard feelings.


I'm both shocked and appalled


                                 take some time to reflect on 
                                 things. You'll see that we never 
                                 really worked well 2gether.


r u kidding me?! We made an 
awesome team. Remember that 
tandem bike race in mexico? We 
were unstoppable.


                                 we lost and nearly rode off that 
                                 cliff and died. U had a 
                                 concussion!


true, but we did it together. :)


                                 okaaaay. Well I gotta go. Jake 
                                 cooked me dinner and then we're 
                                 going to watch Snakes on a 
                                 Plane.


that's our movie! You can't watch 
our movie with him!!


Carrie?


Jul 20, 2012 7:07 PM

Carrie, you're making a mistake.


Jul 20, 2012 7:12 PM

I'm not letting u go. I love you.


Jul 20, 2012 8:10 PM

please answer me


Jul 29, 2012 11:35 AM


goodbye, Carrie. You're right. 
After some reflection, I do feel 
better about you ripping My heart 
out and setting it on fire. Have 
a nice life.


Jul 29, 2012 12:44 PM


                                 I'm glad u see it my way! :)Jake
                                 and I r having Chinese food  
                                 2night to celebrate my cast 
                                 coming off tomorrow. You should 
                                 come by. 
                                 
                                 Bring a friend with. ;)


u may be over me since u left me 
a MONTH ago and apparently 
never cared for me, but I'm still
hurting. I thought I had found 
real true luv and stuff. Now I 
don't understand anything. I 
thought we were together for a
MONTH longer than we were. Do u 
have any idea how stupid I feel?


                                 c u at 7?
I don't have a date


                                 come anyways :)


are u still friends with Vicki?


                                 yeah. I can invite her.


what's jake's address?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Hairy Egg

Barber: So how you want the hair?

Customer: Um... take about an inch off. I like to do a short and messy look.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I know what you mean.

CLIP CLIP SNIP SNIPPITY SNIP SNOP

Barber: You know. I have friend back home in my country. He good looking guy, but he lose hair very young. I used to tease. I say don't worry about hair. Life is short. He say, "You son-of-a-bitch! You have hair." I tell him he smart, still good looking. Any woman would be lucky to have him. And you know what he tell me?

Customer: Not a clue.

Barber: He say, "You son-of-a-bitch! You have wife." I laugh and laugh. He no understand that his life problem has nothing to do with no hair. You see, he concentrate on his lack of hair and never be happy.

Customer: That's quite the story.

Barber: I tell it for you. Don't be sad that you are young and have little hair. Life is short.

Customer: I'm not sad.

Barber: You look sad. Your face tell me story of sadness.

Customer: No. I'm actually very happy.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I mean no disrespect. I just tell story. No problem.

SNIP SNIP SNIP CLIP CLOP CLOOPITY CLOP

Barber: It is probably genetics. You can't control.

Customer: I'm fine with my hair. I mean, I guess it could be a little thicker, but I don't really buy into any of those hair regenerating products.

Barber: That's true. That's true. They have lots of chemical that hurt body. Big price to pay for head of hair. So what, you not that young anyway. How old you is? 35?

Customer: Um... I'm 25.

Barber: Oh no. I so sorry. I mean no disrespect. You just have so little hair. I thought you older. No problem. You still good looking guy. Maybe happiness will find you still.

Customer: Like I said before, I'm happy. I'm married. I have a great job and I was just named "Best Apple Picker" in the Little Prairie Daily News.

Barber: Apple pick? What that mean?

Customer: Yeah. I picked more apples in an hour than anyone else. It's a yearly competition that the county holds at its annual fair. I just love the snap an apple makes right when you pick it. Don't you?

Barber: You know if you have more hair, you no wanna pick apple. It sound like you compensate for no hair.

Customer: No. I legitimately like picking apples.

Barber: I want to help. You are lost. I will be your guide.

Customer: I don't need a guide. Are you almost done with the haircut?

Barber: Not even close. You see, when people have so little hair like you. I must cut in way to make hair cover head. It will be good. Five more minutes.

Customer: That sounds like a comb over. That's not what I want.

Barber: Yes I use comb. Comb is good. It help me cut hair nice.

Customer: Just as long as it's not a comb OVER.

Barber: No problem. I make good. Five more minutes.

SNIP SNOP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP

Barber: I want to tell you secret. You keep secret?

Customer: Um... I'm good. No thanks.

Barber: Remember friend I tease in story?

Customer: Yeah...

Barber: That friend is me. I lose hair very early. It make me so sad. I do everything. I pray to sky. I wear wig. I even grow big beard to make head seem less bald. Nothing make me happy.

Customer: Uh huh.

Barber: Then I speak to grandmother. Very wise woman she was. She tell me legend. She say that you put egg in hair and massage head. Leave egg in for one hour. Then wash. She warn me though. Do not use shampoo and do treatment every day. If you fail... you lose all hair.

Customer: Okay.

Barber: I so scared. I no want to put egg in hair, but grandmother said it work. If I no do, I disrespect her and I ashamed. So I do. Look at hair now. You like my long flowing locks?

Customer: Yeah. They're very nice.

Barber: Touch hair. Go ahead touch it. Give it big pull.

Customer: No. I'm good. I believe you.

Barber: I insist. Touch my lovely hair.

TOUCH TOUCH STROKE CARESS

Customer: Oh yeah. Very soft.

Barber: Thank you. Egg make soft and shiny too. I happy now with ten kids and three wives. It good life for me. All because of hairy eggs. You can have nice life too. You see. I put egg in your hair now.

Customer: Woah woah woah! You keep eggs in your pockets?!

Barber: Of course I do. They have protein. Good snack and hair grower.

Customer: Look. I'm good.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I understand. Sit down. I finish cutting hair. No egg. No problem.

Customer: Thanks. I appreciate the offer, but-

CRUNCH SPLOOSH BLARGH

Customer: I said I didn't want the egg in my hair!

Barber: You like. I promise. This will make sexy you.

Customer: I'm already sexy!

Barber: No. You almost sexy. More hair make you more sexy.

Customer: I have a head full of egg. This is NOT a good look for me!

Barber: Give it time. Do this everyday for five months and you will look like hairy head in fast time.

SPLISH SPLASH MASSAGE SPLOOSH SPLEESH

Customer: Shave it off.

Barber: What?

Customer: Shave off all my hair. I don't want to see one strand of hair on my head!