The Bumbledom Three

Bizzy, Buzzy, and Boozy are honey bees. They have been for as long as they can remember. These three comrades often pollenate flowers together and at one time, were considered the greatest makers of honey in all of Bumbledom. One bee, who wishes to remain nameless, even called them the saviors of honey. Other bees haven’t been so kind in the verbage used to describe these three special bees. Some refer to them as disillusioned dreamers, while others think of them as reckless and a danger to the future of bees everywhere. Neither side is wrong. 

There have been questions surfacing about the unusual methods these bees have used to gather nectar and make honey. Now, nobody can argue with their successful results, but one must stop and wonder, at what cost does their greatness become not so great?

To help you fully grasp the wealth and damage of the Bumbledom Three, we have to go back in time and witness the journey of these unusual beepanions. 

The brains and leader of the bunch is Bizzy, the black sheep of the hive. He was responsible for the Battle For Pots Disaster of the previous summer. Bizzy had the unique idea to orchestrate bee invasions into human homes, in order to get nectar from potted flowers. Everyone was for this wild idea, especially since a draught had left Bumbledom with few flowers to work with. That summer, Bumbledom produced more honey than they ever thought possible. 

Unfortunately, more than half of the colony was wiped out due to unforeseen household hazards. Several bees were stepped on, spat at, sneezed on, and destroyed by animals of the feline variety. Bizzy’s left wing was even smashed in a human’s attempt to kill him with a fly swatter. Not a bee swatter, but a fly swatter. It was embarrassing to say the least. 

To add insult to injury, the Queen Bee, Beeyonce, banished Bizzy from the hive. She said that his plan had caused more harm than good. It would take a miracle for the colony to survive this catastrophe. Bizzy tried to explain that with some reworking of the plan he could help the colony rebuild. They already had enough honey to last through the summer. Queen Beeyonce shook her head disapprovingly. Sure they had plenty of honey, but hardly anyone was left to enjoy it. The Queen had made up her mind. Bizzy would have to buzz elsewhere from here on out. 

The threesomes’ warrior, protector, and at times bully is known as Buzzy, a Herculean bee who can crush a boulder just by looking at it. He was Queen Beeyonce’s favorite male companion and somewhat of a celebrity around Bumbledom. Wherever he walked, flew, napped, ate, and baked, swarms of bees were there chanting his name. It got to the point where none of the bees were doing their jobs. They just wanted to be near Buzzy all the time. As a result, the Queen passed a law making it illegal to be within six inches of Buzzy and his name was not to be chanted or it could mean banishment from the colony. Naturally this only increased Buzzy’s coolness level. 

It seemed like Buzzy was destined to go down in history as the most popular bee ever to live in Bumbledom. That is, until rumors circulated that he was sleeping around with the queen bee from Bizzmark, a neighboring bee colony. Nothing was ever proven however, Buzzy was noticeably absent during the Battle For Pots Disaster. The rumors damaged Queen Beeyonce’s trust in Buzzy and he too was banished from Bumbledom the previous summer. Buzzy tried to explain to the Queen that his buzzer only buzzed for her bazzlenator, but it was no use. The Queen had made up her mind. Buzzy would have to buzz elsewhere from here on out. 

Lastly, there is Boozy, the often inebriated one. Boozy’s talent is the uncanny ability to suck the utmost amount of nectar from a flower in the quickest amount of time. He has won Bumbledom’s Top Sucker award three years in a row. His downfall, tragically, is he also likes to suck a bit too much of his homemade moonshiner honey. This causes him to be loopy most of the time and may explain why he continually flies upside down and directly into trees at full speed. It’s amazing that he has survived as long as he has. 

After The Battle For Pots Disaster, Boozy inadvertently knocked down the colonies’ central hive, destroying most of the honey that was gathered from the infamous mission. The Queen was infuriated with Boozy, yet she decided not to exile him because she had already banished Bizzy and Buzzy. With a third banishment, she might be seen in an unfavorable light by her fellow bees. Besides, Queen Beeyonce thought he was the funniest bee in all of Bumbledom. He might be able to lift the saddened bees’ spirits. For that reason, and that reason alone, she decided to keep him around. Boozy would be allowed to buzz in Bumbledom for the time being.

The following summer is shaping up to be even more challenging than the previous one. Bumbledom’s field of flowers were destroyed by large menacing flower munching machines. In their place rose a hideous concrete box known as a supermarket. Queen Beeyonce was frazzled more than last summer. She didn’t want her bees to starve. Surely, they couldn’t stroll into this “supermarket” and pick food willy nilly. Their future looked bleak. As Queen, she would have to think of something fast. Her bee buddies depended on her. She didn’t want them to be buzzed off forever.

Suddenly, it struck her like lightning strikes a balloon floating in its general direction. BIZZY was the only one who could help them. BIZZY sorta saved them the previous summer. Well... that is if you ignore the mass bee deaths. Besides that minor detail, Bumbledom did have more honey than ever before. Queen Beeyonce had made up her mind. Bizzy would return and save the colony. He just didn’t know it yet. 

The Queen quickly called upon Boozy, who was recently promoted to her new favorite male companion, and sent him on a quest to find Bizzy. If he succeeded, she would reward him with a kiss and some royal jelly from her private stock. If he failed, then he would most likely get killed trying to find Bizzy and the colony would perish. She assured Boozy that there was no pressure.

Boozy, with all odds against him, flew upside down over a highway, through a cave filled with candy, around a lagoon, and back over another highway to get to Bizzmark. Now to any ordinary bee, this journey would have been a simple four minute fly north. For Bizzy, it took four hours. Nevertheless, he made it and found Bizzy lounging like a king. All the bees bathed in waterfalls of honey in Bizzmark. It was a paradise. 

Boozy explained to Bizzy about the heartbreaking situation back in Bumbledom. Bizzy was skeptical to help, then decided he couldn’t let a whole colony starve. He agreed to go back with Boozy however, he insisted that Buzzy come with them. This made Boozy nervous. Queen Beeyonce had a very public and nastily worded send off for Buzzy. She only sent him to get Bizzy. The Queen never mentioned Buzzy. Things were getting so confusing that Boozy’s head felt like it was spinning. Boozy told Bizzy that he didn’t like that idea. 

Bizzy wouldn’t let it go though. He insisted that his best friend flies back with him, or he would refuse to return. Boozy took out his little bee flask, took a couple sips of moonshiner honey, then loopily declared that it sounded like a beautyfull plan.

Bizzy buzzed over to Buzzy and asked him to travel with him and Boozy back to Bumbledom. The colony was in danger! Buzzy gloomily shook his head. He said he could never return to a place that caused him so much pain. His heart was broken by Queen Beeyonce. It would take an apology from her to get him to ever consider budging from Bizzmark. 

Bizzy thought for a moment. Then his mind sparked a thought. It happened to be a perfect thought. The rarest kind of thoughts. He buzzed behind Bizzmark’s central hive, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote feverishly into the night. The next morning he handed Buzzy an envelope that came “rush delivery” from Bumbledom. Buzzy slowly opened the envelope and to his surprise, found a lengthy apology letter from Queen Beeyonce. 

Dearest Buzzy,

I miss you. I’m sorry. You should come back to Bumbledom. I need you now more than ever before. 

Love Always,

Queen Beeyonce

Buzzy smiled a smile so wide that it looked like a frown, yet it was indeed a smile. Then Buzzy stood tall and confirmed that he too would go to Bumbledom with Bizzy and Boozy, thus sparking the creation of the Bumbledom Three. 

Back at Bumbledom, all the bees gathered for a rally featuring Queen Beeyonce and The Bumbledom Three. Bizzy explained to the worried crowd that he had a plan. Several bees booed and shouted things like, a plan to get us killed! Unfazed, Bizzy assured his former fellow bees that this plan was fool proof. He would take Buzzy and Boozy with him to determine if things were safe, then he would lead the colony to the most exotic and wondrous flowers that he’s ever seen. Since Bizzy was going in first with a fellow outcast and the town looper, the crowd was pleased. They cheered and shouted things like, Woo! and Woo hoo! Some bees even placed bets on whether The Bumbledom Three would make it out alive. Most bet on the negative side.

In the Queen's private chambers, she thanked Bizzy and Boozy for their bravery. Then she looked Buzzy up and down with tear-filled eyes. Buzzy furrowed his brow and stated that he missed her so much. Queen Beeyonce slapped him. She told him he blew it with her and that she would only possibly maybe consider forgiving him if he helped save the colony. Buzzy wondered why her letter sounded so different than her current actions. It must be the stress of the situation, Buzzy thought to himself. 

Bizzy hurried Buzzy and Boozy out of the Queen's office. He told his beepanions that there was no time for lolly gagging and they needed to get going. The future of Bumbledom lay in their hands.

The Bumbledom Three embarked on their heroic journey at dusk. It was at this time that Buzzy questioned whether Bizzy actually had a plan or not. Bizzy laughed nervously. He said he has seen the future. He recently discovered a glass house filled with the most wondrous flowers imaginable. If they could find a way in, they would be the wealthiest colony in all the world. Buzzy was puzzled. This sounded too good to be true. He said he still has nightmares about The Battle of Pots Disaster from last summer. 

Bizzy said that there weren't any humans around at night. The place was empty and unguarded. They could sneak in and gather some of these flowers and bring them back to Bumbledom. Once safely home, they could leisurely pollenate them and gather nectar to make an abundant amount of honey.

Bizzy, Buzzy, and Boozy flew over a hill and gazed upon this glass building of dreams. It was so green and so very ripe for the picking. The Bumbledom Three hovered in the air for a moment. The Glass House Raid was about to begin.  

Boozy was so excited that he flew full speed at the glass house, hit the window, and slowly slid down to the ground. 

Bizzy shook his head. Then he nodded to Buzzy who returned his nod with a double nod. Buzzy zig zagged and summersaulted towards the glass house. He came to a dead stop about a millimeter from one of the windows. Next, he lightly tapped on the glass with his hulking hand. It shattered into an uncountable amount of broken bits. Alarms shrieked into the night. 

Boozy wailed like an alarm as he got up from the ground and flew in a counterclockwise circle. This time he flew through the open window and made his way into the glass house. Bizzy shouted for him to stop, but it was too late. Boozy was already inside, sucking nectar from flower after flower. Bizzy flew up to Buzzy. They shared a worried glance, then went in after Boozy. 

The place was magical. It was filled with endless amounts of flowers. Red ones, yellow ones, pink twos, and even orange threes. Bizzy caught up with Boozy and tried to get him to go back to the plan, but it was no use. Boozy refused to stop sucking nectar.

The lights of the greenhouse flickered on and off. A helicopter  labeled, W.F.P.A. (Wondrous Flower Protection Agency), roared from up above. Two men in dark clothing slid down ropes from the helicopter and crashed through the ceiling of the building. They used their super high tech goggles to google the problem and discovered their targets... bees. Quickly, they removed their oversized toxic spray gadgets. 

Bizzy and Buzzy ducked behind a large yellow one flower. The two of them tried to get Boozy’s attention. They whistled, threw a pebble at Boozy’s head, and shouted profanity in his direction. Alas, it was no use. Boozy was 112% focused on slurping up nectar. He was what bees called, in the buzz zone. 

One Man in dark clothing signaled to Two Man in dark clothing. They slowly crept up behind the unsuspecting Boozy. Their oversized toxic spray gadgets aimed and were about to fire, when One Man felt a prick on his neck so strong, that he toppled over. Buzzy had buzzed him with his stinger. Two Man twirled around and fired his oversized toxic spray gadget. Buzzy was hit. The gargantuan bee spiraled to the floor.

Bizzy screamed out and flew as straight as his one good wing would allow. He zipped, zapped, and zooped at Two Man who plummeted into the small coi pond that resided nearby. The water from Two Man’s fall splashed up and splished Boozy. This shook Boozy from his buzz zone and he looked over at Bizzy in befuddlement, then horror as his gaze shifted to Buzzy, quivering on the ground.

Bizzy and Boozy buzzed down to Buzzy. The muscular bee coughed a raspy not at all good sounding cough. He was injured badly and told his two beepanions to gather flowers and return without him. Bizzy shook his head. He would not allow for The Glass House Raid to be as disastrous as The Battle For Pots Disaster. He grabbed Buzzy with strength he didn’t even know he had and lifted him into the air. Then he told Boozy to grab a little yellow one flower and a little orange three flower, which he did, and the three of them flew out of the glass house.

It was a treacherous journey back. Both Bizzy and Boozy struggled to hold onto their heavy cargo. Against all odds, they made it home to Bumbledom. The bees cheered and the two flowers were quickly planted and pollenated. From there, new hybrid flowers grew. The honey that was created from the yellange four flower’s nectar was so sweet and sticky, that it actually healed Buzzy and restored him to his former Herculean self. Bizzy’s bad wing was also healed from the magic honey and Boozy, for the first time in his bee life, was able to fly right side up and avoid flying into trees. 

Queen Beeyonce was overwhelmed with joy. While The Bumbledom Three relaxed and recovered from their harrowing adventure, the rest of the colony followed Bizzy’s route and gathered more exotic and wondrous flowers to bring back to Bumbledom. The colony flourished like never before.

Buzzy officially married Queen Beeyonce a day later. They had hundreds of thousands of children together.

Boozy stopped drinking moonshiner honey and started a school to teach young bees the proper methods of sucking nectar from flowers.

Bizzy, having saved Bumbledom with his second plan (The Glass House Raid), traveled from colony to colony, developing unique plans to help them increase their honey supply. 

Although The Bumbledom Three were only together for a brief period of time and they caused one of the greatest catastrophes during The Battle For Pots Disaster, they more than made up for it in The Glass House Raid. Their second attempt proved that even though they failed miserably the first time, second chances, when given, can prove to be worthwhile. 

Long live The Bumbledom Three. May they one day fly again together. Until then, may they be great separately. 

Untie That Tie!

Sherri: I still don't get it.

Fred: There's nothing to get.

Sherri: Why wear something that time and time again causes bad things to happen to you?

Fred: I got used to it. It's become a part of me now.

Sherri: You ever think about buying a new tie? Maybe one that isn't so ugly. I mean, most men have several different ties.

Fred: That thought has grazed the surface of my mind. This tie is just so... well... it's so me.

Sherri: No, it's not. No man should ever have pink lightning bolts on any part of their clothing. Especially, if they light up.

Fred: I'm not taking this tie off. The other day it got caught in the elevator door as it was going up and almost choked me.

Sherri: Then I'd consider that to be an unlucky tie. It seems to cause more harm than good.

Fred: I think you're missing the point. Sure, it almost killed me, but it also saved my life. It managed to slip out of the elevator doors right when I was about to lose consciousness. Now that, my dear friend, is what I call luck.

Sherri: Do you know the definition of luck?

Fred: Ha! Don't be silly.

Sherri: So that means... no?

Fred: Of course I know what it means, Sherri. You're missing the point. This tie is special. It reeks of good vibes. I wore this tie for my job interview and it landed me this very job.

Sherri: Exactly! This job reeks. You said it yourself. You told me yesterday that you hate this job and nothing would make you happier than quitting.

Fred: True... But I got the job. Out of the hundreds of applicants, I was number one. Last time I checked, that makes me a winner. Care to check your dictionary on that word?

Sherri: You're ridiculous.

Fred: W-I-N-N-E-

Sherri: Fine! It helped you get a job. You get money from this job. That's the only "good" thing the tie has done for you.

Fred: If it wasn't for this tie, I might be a homeless gentleman wandering the streets, searching for not just food, but something that would save me from my miserable existence. A tie perhaps? Fortunately, I have already found the perfect tie. I won't ever have to worry about bad things happening to me as long as I wear this tie. (beat) Face it Sherri, this tie has shown me a lifetime of happiness in one short and beautiful year. By abandoning it now, I am no better than a farmer setting fire to his crops.

Sherri: What the hell does a farmer have to do with your tie?

Fred: Oh Sherri, you worry me so much.

Sherri: Give me the tie.

Fred: Don't be so dramatic.

Sherri: Since putting that tie around your neck, it's landed you this dead end job, you tripped over it the other day when you picked up that pencil that fell off your desk, and you may or may not have killed someone with it. The tie's track record is appalling. It is bad luck and has ruined your life.

Fred: You're not looking at it the right way. I have a job in THIS economy. It may have caused me to nearly break my back, but it also led me to that pencil. It taught me to appreciate the little things in life. And sure it also may have contributed to the accidental death of that intern... What was her name?

Sherri: I don't remember. You're the only person I talk to in this dump.

Fred: Her name's not important. The point is, I was cleared of those murder charges not due to the fact that I was indeed innocent, rather because the tie was my solid alibi.            

Sherri: Fred! Wake up! Your wife left you because your tie had a lipstick stain on it. Your boss demoted you because your tie was staring at him awkwardly during a meet-

Fred: That's not what he said!

Sherri: It is Fred. I swear to God. Mr. Higgins told me it was the tie. That is why you are now in the mailroom. He was hoping you would take the damn thing off at that point. You look ridiculous in your mailroom uniform and that stupid tie.

Fred: Well, Mr. Higgins told me he needed a good sorter and that this was just a temporary career pit stop. I'll have to have a conversation with him then.

Sherri: Good! You should do that. Just take that damn tie off first.

Fred: Look, I know your jealous, but you can't have my awesome tie. Maybe you'll find a lucky pair of shoes or stick of gum one day. Actually, I don't hope. I know your luck will change like mine has. You just have to believe.

Sherri: Give it to me.

Fred: Just open your heart to the possibil-

Sherri: I don't want to have to take it from you.

Fred: Sherri, you're sounding a little hostile.

Sherri: If you don't hand that tie over to me so that I can cut it up into a thousand little pieces, then I will no longer talk to you. I will stop being your friend. I will pretend that you don't exist. That tie will be a symbol. It will be a mark of a diseased man who is so pigheaded that he can't see how one piece of clothing is single-handedly destroying his life.

Fred: Then my tie will have to be my friend.

Sherri: Do you ever think before you speak?

Fred: Occasionally.

Sherri: You're now invisible to me.

Fred: Be kind to the tie and it will-

Sherri: Fred, you need a hobby or something. All you talk about is your tie. Not your ex-wife, kids, pets, movies you've seen, or other normal things. It's always your tie. I don't want to talk about the tie anymore. (beat) I'm done.

Fred: You brought up the tie.

Sherri: No, I didn't.

Fred: Yes, Sherri. I was talking about fertilizer and you said for the umpteenth time that I need a new tie. "No sane person wears the same tie to work everyday." Those were your exact words.

Sherri: Well, I just-

Fred: You just what?

Sherri: I just think that the tie is trying to sabotage your life and won't stop until it kills you.

Fred: Were you listening to a word I just said? My lucky tie is not going to kill me. It is my protector. My suit of armor. My shield. Did you ever stop to think that maybe those bad things that happened to me were going to happen anyways and it was this tie, that saved me from further harm. It is the one constant in my life. The one thing that I can count on.

Sherri: You can count on me.

Fred: Obviously not. You're toxic and I'm sorry, but my tie and I can no longer be friends with you.

Sherri: Wait, I can change. I can learn to accept the tie.

Fred: Sherri, we both know you will never accept the tie. (beat) Goodbye.

Sherri: Fred! Wait!

Fred: Yes?

Sherri: I love you.

Fred: No you don't. You love the tie. You want me to toss it away so you can steal it away from me and suck all that is good and pure out of it. I won't let you corrupt it.

Sherri: Can I at least touch it one more time?

Fred: It's too late, Sherri. I wish you nothing, but happiness in your future. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some mail to sort through.

Left Turn Louie

Louie has a problem. A tiny itsy bitsy not so significant life altering problem. It pains him to make decisions. These decisions range from something as simple as deciding which shade of grey shoe he should wear on his morning jog (he only has two pairs) or something more complex, like which brand of toothpaste to use on his teeth. For the record, Louie uses a mixture of six different brands of toothpaste. Why, one average decision making person may ask? Well, in Louie’s own words, "Dentists recommend too many #1 teeth cleaners. I don't want to not use one that could prevent cavities or worse yet, gingivitis. I wouldn’t be able to live with that kind of question mark lingering in the air. What if I had used this brand instead of that brand?" 

The other day, something extraordinarily peculiar happened on Louie’s usual drive to work. He did his normal routine of circling a coffee shop for exactly one hour and 12 minutes, trying to decide if he should go in and get caffeine or circle the block one more time. Ultimately, he had to ditch the coffee and head to work.

Already running late, Louie was sitting in his car waiting to make a u-turn because he couldn't decide which road to take. One road was faster, but he would have to pass the house of his mortal enemy, Slight Right Mary. If she was home, he was sure to be flagged down and invited inside for tea. The other road would add twenty minutes to his drive however, it required a great deal of weaving through side streets. Louie was afraid of side streets.

Today, all the dilemmas in Louie’s life stacked far too high for any one mind to comprehend. The dilemmas toppled over like a game of Jenga. Quite suddenly, Louie’s brain triggered a reaction that sparked him to declare loudly, “I have decided!" Maybe it was the lack of sleep (he couldn’t decide if he should count sheep or pigeons) or perhaps the fact that he hadn't eaten in a couple days (he still hadn’t made up his mind if he was a vegetarian or vegan) that released this most unusual assortment of words. “I have decided! Everyone! I have decided!” He declared this as he stepped out of his vehicle. The only individual around was an elderly woman walking her chihuahua. Louie approached this woman and shouted once more, “I have decided!” The woman picked up her dog and hurriedly moved away from Louie and deeper into the quaint little town. 

Louie, unfazed by the rejection, proceeded to make a left hand turn on the sidewalk. His car continued in motion, slowly drifting into a parked car. A car alarm blared throughout the empty neighborhood.

Louie soon followed his first left hand turn with another left hand turn and then another. Louie was elated. He couldn't stop turning left. Before he knew it, he was inside a bakery, ordering a poppyseed bagel, the farthest bagel to the left in the pastry case. “This is my new favorite bagel!” Louie declared to a startled group of individuals who simultaneously took one step away from him. 

He exited the bakery to his left and found himself back where he left his car, only this time, he felt, "like my mind has been freed from a prison of cluelessness." The police officers felt otherwise. Louie was arrested for reckless endangerment.

Louie made bail with the money in his left pocket. He realized that living life to the left could just be the thing he needed in order to shake his decideaphobia. 

Now that he was already a day late for work, he turned left out of the police station, determined to get to his job. It wasn’t a bad job. In fact, Louie was proud of the work he did. He felt he was really making a difference in the world as a flip flop inspector. His job consisted of testing thousands upon thousands of cheaply made flip flops daily. He had to ensure that these poor excuses for footwear would survive exactly three trips on an individual’s feet before falling apart, thus creating a need for another purchase of cheap flip flops. Without Louie, the business would undoubtedly crumble.

Louie turned left into Bagel World. He ordered a sesame seed bagel, since it was the farthest to the left in the pastry case. He declared loudly, “This is my new favorite bagel!” Louie took several large bites out of the bagel and exited.

After another left hand turn, followed by two more, Louie found himself in a construction zone. He was unable to move forward or to his left. The only option was to go right, but going right would disrupt Louie’s new found love of the left. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. So Louie made a very difficult decision: he would wait. After the three months of construction wrapped up, Louie was finally free to make a left hand turn and get to his office, which was less than a block away. 

Upon entering the building, he was flabbergasted to see not flip flops being made, but cowboy boots. Louie confronted his boss who was astonished that Louie had the gall to come back to work after what he did to them. Without Louie, the flip flop business tumbled into a dark pit of despair and his boss had no other choice than to create a new business plan. Louie nodded his head and declared, “I love cowboy boots!” Unfortunately, Louie’s boss was not so eager to get Louie back and Louie was quite literally booted out the door. 

Louie figured five glorious years as the “Flip Flop King” was more than enough time in the spotlight. He had graced several magazine covers over the past couple years including Flip Flop Weekly and The Flip Flopper Herald.

With nowhere to go, Louie proceeded to make a left. He lefted his way all around the world. In each new city he declared, “I love this city!” Louie worked odd jobs everywhere he went and they never lasted long because his left hand turns always landed him somewhere new. Louie had broken his stagnant decisivelessness curse by deciding to always go left. It may not have been the perfect life plan however, it was a plan and Louie was sticking to it and loving every minute of it. 

By the end of one year, Louie had more favorite places he’d lived and more favorite bagels than any one person could ever imagine was possible. Left Turn Louie would most assuredly continue to turn left again and again... and again because it synced up perfectly with his new found life goal, to make decisions in a timely manner and experience new things daily.

Wonder

Therapist: Do you ever wonder?


Patient: Wonder?

Therapist: Yes, wonder.

Patient: I do, I guess.

Therapist: Approximately how often and at which time of the day would you say you wonder most?

Patient: Well, I don’t know an exact amount.

Therapist: I need an exact number.

Patient: I don’t know.

Therapist: Think. Think like you never thought before. (pause) What’s wrong with your face?

Patient: This is me thinking.

Therapist: Hmm...

Patient: What?

Therapist: The inability to count can mean one of several different, but all quite serious medical conditions dating back to the prehistoric-

Patient: Ten!

Therapist: I beg your pardon?

Patient: Definitely ten. I wonder ten times a day. 

Therapist: Are you absolutely positive?

Patient: Uh… yes.

Therapist: Hmm…

Patient: What now?

Therapist: A great philosopher known only to the world as Milo, once said, "those who wonder less, don't really wonder at all." With such a miniscule amount of wondering occuring in your life, I really must insist that we increase our visit frequency to once every six hours in order to better understand-

Patient: But I- I’m wondering right now.

Therapist: Really?! 

Patient: Absolutely. Tons of wondering.

Therapist: Tell me what you’re wondering. Tell me every tiny little detail. I need to get a clear visual of your mind. 

Patient: I’m wondering…

Therapist: Go on. It’s okay. Remember, I'm your safety net.

Patient: I’m wondering, what there is to wonder about?

Therapist: Surely, you can't be serious.

Patient: Why not?

Therapist: Well you can't wonder about wondering. It creates an impenetrable paradox.

Patient: That's more of a reason to wonder about it then.

Therapist: Now I'm wondering about you wondering about wondering. This is quite the mess you've made. I'm going to have to clear my week's schedule so we can sort this business out. Unbelievable. (pause) Are you by any chance allergic to bees and/or hula hoops?

Patient: Not that I'm aware of.

Therapist: Wonderful. Please remove your clothes and we can begin.