Hairy Egg

Barber: So how you want the hair?

Customer: Um... take about an inch off. I like to do a short and messy look.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I know what you mean.

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Barber: You know. I have friend back home in my country. He good looking guy, but he lose hair very young. I used to tease. I say don't worry about hair. Life is short. He say, "You son-of-a-bitch! You have hair." I tell him he smart, still good looking. Any woman would be lucky to have him. And you know what he tell me?

Customer: Not a clue.

Barber: He say, "You son-of-a-bitch! You have wife." I laugh and laugh. He no understand that his life problem has nothing to do with no hair. You see, he concentrate on his lack of hair and never be happy.

Customer: That's quite the story.

Barber: I tell it for you. Don't be sad that you are young and have little hair. Life is short.

Customer: I'm not sad.

Barber: You look sad. Your face tell me story of sadness.

Customer: No. I'm actually very happy.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I mean no disrespect. I just tell story. No problem.

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Barber: It is probably genetics. You can't control.

Customer: I'm fine with my hair. I mean, I guess it could be a little thicker, but I don't really buy into any of those hair regenerating products.

Barber: That's true. That's true. They have lots of chemical that hurt body. Big price to pay for head of hair. So what, you not that young anyway. How old you is? 35?

Customer: Um... I'm 25.

Barber: Oh no. I so sorry. I mean no disrespect. You just have so little hair. I thought you older. No problem. You still good looking guy. Maybe happiness will find you still.

Customer: Like I said before, I'm happy. I'm married. I have a great job and I was just named "Best Apple Picker" in the Little Prairie Daily News.

Barber: Apple pick? What that mean?

Customer: Yeah. I picked more apples in an hour than anyone else. It's a yearly competition that the county holds at its annual fair. I just love the snap an apple makes right when you pick it. Don't you?

Barber: You know if you have more hair, you no wanna pick apple. It sound like you compensate for no hair.

Customer: No. I legitimately like picking apples.

Barber: I want to help. You are lost. I will be your guide.

Customer: I don't need a guide. Are you almost done with the haircut?

Barber: Not even close. You see, when people have so little hair like you. I must cut in way to make hair cover head. It will be good. Five more minutes.

Customer: That sounds like a comb over. That's not what I want.

Barber: Yes I use comb. Comb is good. It help me cut hair nice.

Customer: Just as long as it's not a comb OVER.

Barber: No problem. I make good. Five more minutes.

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Barber: I want to tell you secret. You keep secret?

Customer: Um... I'm good. No thanks.

Barber: Remember friend I tease in story?

Customer: Yeah...

Barber: That friend is me. I lose hair very early. It make me so sad. I do everything. I pray to sky. I wear wig. I even grow big beard to make head seem less bald. Nothing make me happy.

Customer: Uh huh.

Barber: Then I speak to grandmother. Very wise woman she was. She tell me legend. She say that you put egg in hair and massage head. Leave egg in for one hour. Then wash. She warn me though. Do not use shampoo and do treatment every day. If you fail... you lose all hair.

Customer: Okay.

Barber: I so scared. I no want to put egg in hair, but grandmother said it work. If I no do, I disrespect her and I ashamed. So I do. Look at hair now. You like my long flowing locks?

Customer: Yeah. They're very nice.

Barber: Touch hair. Go ahead touch it. Give it big pull.

Customer: No. I'm good. I believe you.

Barber: I insist. Touch my lovely hair.

TOUCH TOUCH STROKE CARESS

Customer: Oh yeah. Very soft.

Barber: Thank you. Egg make soft and shiny too. I happy now with ten kids and three wives. It good life for me. All because of hairy eggs. You can have nice life too. You see. I put egg in your hair now.

Customer: Woah woah woah! You keep eggs in your pockets?!

Barber: Of course I do. They have protein. Good snack and hair grower.

Customer: Look. I'm good.

Barber: Okay. Okay. I understand. Sit down. I finish cutting hair. No egg. No problem.

Customer: Thanks. I appreciate the offer, but-

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Customer: I said I didn't want the egg in my hair!

Barber: You like. I promise. This will make sexy you.

Customer: I'm already sexy!

Barber: No. You almost sexy. More hair make you more sexy.

Customer: I have a head full of egg. This is NOT a good look for me!

Barber: Give it time. Do this everyday for five months and you will look like hairy head in fast time.

SPLISH SPLASH MASSAGE SPLOOSH SPLEESH

Customer: Shave it off.

Barber: What?

Customer: Shave off all my hair. I don't want to see one strand of hair on my head!