Louie has a problem. A tiny itsy bitsy not so significant life altering problem. It pains him to make decisions. These decisions range from something as simple as deciding which shade of grey shoe he should wear on his morning jog (he only has two pairs) or something more complex, like which brand of toothpaste to use on his teeth. For the record, Louie uses a mixture of six different brands of toothpaste. Why, one average decision making person may ask? Well, in Louie’s own words, "Dentists recommend too many #1 teeth cleaners. I don't want to not use one that could prevent cavities or worse yet, gingivitis. I wouldn’t be able to live with that kind of question mark lingering in the air. What if I had used this brand instead of that brand?"
The other day, something extraordinarily peculiar happened on Louie’s usual drive to work. He did his normal routine of circling a coffee shop for exactly one hour and 12 minutes, trying to decide if he should go in and get caffeine or circle the block one more time. Ultimately, he had to ditch the coffee and head to work.
Already running late, Louie was sitting in his car waiting to make a u-turn because he couldn't decide which road to take. One road was faster, but he would have to pass the house of his mortal enemy, Slight Right Mary. If she was home, he was sure to be flagged down and invited inside for tea. The other road would add twenty minutes to his drive however, it required a great deal of weaving through side streets. Louie was afraid of side streets.
Today, all the dilemmas in Louie’s life stacked far too high for any one mind to comprehend. The dilemmas toppled over like a game of Jenga. Quite suddenly, Louie’s brain triggered a reaction that sparked him to declare loudly, “I have decided!" Maybe it was the lack of sleep (he couldn’t decide if he should count sheep or pigeons) or perhaps the fact that he hadn't eaten in a couple days (he still hadn’t made up his mind if he was a vegetarian or vegan) that released this most unusual assortment of words. “I have decided! Everyone! I have decided!” He declared this as he stepped out of his vehicle. The only individual around was an elderly woman walking her chihuahua. Louie approached this woman and shouted once more, “I have decided!” The woman picked up her dog and hurriedly moved away from Louie and deeper into the quaint little town.
Louie, unfazed by the rejection, proceeded to make a left hand turn on the sidewalk. His car continued in motion, slowly drifting into a parked car. A car alarm blared throughout the empty neighborhood.
Louie soon followed his first left hand turn with another left hand turn and then another. Louie was elated. He couldn't stop turning left. Before he knew it, he was inside a bakery, ordering a poppyseed bagel, the farthest bagel to the left in the pastry case. “This is my new favorite bagel!” Louie declared to a startled group of individuals who simultaneously took one step away from him.
He exited the bakery to his left and found himself back where he left his car, only this time, he felt, "like my mind has been freed from a prison of cluelessness." The police officers felt otherwise. Louie was arrested for reckless endangerment.
Louie made bail with the money in his left pocket. He realized that living life to the left could just be the thing he needed in order to shake his decideaphobia.
Now that he was already a day late for work, he turned left out of the police station, determined to get to his job. It wasn’t a bad job. In fact, Louie was proud of the work he did. He felt he was really making a difference in the world as a flip flop inspector. His job consisted of testing thousands upon thousands of cheaply made flip flops daily. He had to ensure that these poor excuses for footwear would survive exactly three trips on an individual’s feet before falling apart, thus creating a need for another purchase of cheap flip flops. Without Louie, the business would undoubtedly crumble.
Louie turned left into Bagel World. He ordered a sesame seed bagel, since it was the farthest to the left in the pastry case. He declared loudly, “This is my new favorite bagel!” Louie took several large bites out of the bagel and exited.
After another left hand turn, followed by two more, Louie found himself in a construction zone. He was unable to move forward or to his left. The only option was to go right, but going right would disrupt Louie’s new found love of the left. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. So Louie made a very difficult decision: he would wait. After the three months of construction wrapped up, Louie was finally free to make a left hand turn and get to his office, which was less than a block away.
Upon entering the building, he was flabbergasted to see not flip flops being made, but cowboy boots. Louie confronted his boss who was astonished that Louie had the gall to come back to work after what he did to them. Without Louie, the flip flop business tumbled into a dark pit of despair and his boss had no other choice than to create a new business plan. Louie nodded his head and declared, “I love cowboy boots!” Unfortunately, Louie’s boss was not so eager to get Louie back and Louie was quite literally booted out the door.
Louie figured five glorious years as the “Flip Flop King” was more than enough time in the spotlight. He had graced several magazine covers over the past couple years including Flip Flop Weekly and The Flip Flopper Herald.
With nowhere to go, Louie proceeded to make a left. He lefted his way all around the world. In each new city he declared, “I love this city!” Louie worked odd jobs everywhere he went and they never lasted long because his left hand turns always landed him somewhere new. Louie had broken his stagnant decisivelessness curse by deciding to always go left. It may not have been the perfect life plan however, it was a plan and Louie was sticking to it and loving every minute of it.
By the end of one year, Louie had more favorite places he’d lived and more favorite bagels than any one person could ever imagine was possible. Left Turn Louie would most assuredly continue to turn left again and again... and again because it synced up perfectly with his new found life goal, to make decisions in a timely manner and experience new things daily.
Great story!
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